Why do I teach

Well, I guess I think I can put content out in the fashion of Silent Bob.

Every once in a while, say something profound, then go silent again. I do realize how not cool that is, but it’s a process.

So many updates since I last wrote to you:

~still waiting for Russell Brand to come to a class and be amazed at my natural raw beauty(let’s be real. You know that would be the day with no makeup and crazy hair being held back by one overworked ponytail holder screaming for relief).

~I’m all caught up on Empire(don’t get me started on Jussie Smolett), How To Get Away With Murder, Haunting of Hill House, Grace & Frankie, and Ru Paul All Stars. OMG RU PAUL ALLSTARS! TRINITY WAS ROBBED! MANILLA IS A GODDESS!

~Even more fan girling over Cardi B.

~Saw the New Mary Poppins movie-LOVED IT!

~Loki & I moved! That’s primarily what distracted me.

Loki packed all of his belongings into his wicker basket, and napped until it was all over. I however, acted crazy, overworked myself, let all the ‘worst case scenarios’ of everything be headlines in my head. Change is always hard, even when it’s really exciting, good change!

We are so in love with our new home. We found a space that matches our hearts, and was holding our spot for us. Loki is already EXTREMELY popular. He’s got fans on each block.

He has taken on the talent of pooping when we are walking on one of the busier (pretty damn busy) streets; facing traffic; like it’s shit & a show. People honk and wave at us; we look adorable. But, in my head, I’m thinking I feel most sexy when standing out here on this busy damn street, in my pajamas, picking up steaming poop, while Loki takes a bow for his performance.

Normal showtimes are 8:30 & 2. Times are dependent on Loki’s napping schedule as it may change. Also, there are usually full encore performances. Not to be missed, the literal Shitshow.

Last time we talked, I was starting to take anti-depressants. Because I’m depressed.

Not to lose weight or quit smoking.

Or to regulate my menstrual cycle.

Or because depression runs in my family and I’m taking meds as a precaution.

Or as a sleep aide.

(The above list is actual reasons people shared with me as to why THEY were taking medication.)

Because I suffer from depression. I suffer from high anxiety.

This seems to be very important, to clarify WHY one is taking said medication. The people who told me why they were taking it were never taking it for depression. Always for another symptom, maybe clearing acne. Got it. You don’t have a problem, and if you do, you are treating it naturally. Cue the dramatic eye roll.

But,I don’t give a fuck about those people. I wasn’t talking to them, but of course their arrogance fools them into believing that I actually give a shit. Let’s be clear: I don’t care that you feel ENTITLED enough to judge me. Move on. BUZZ!

I was talking to the people who thought they were the only one.

Or who feels ashamed.

I was reaching out to those who are searching for their voice in the conversation.

Or those that have been judged, maybe even in yoga.

Because believe me friends, this is a dicey topic in the “spiritual” circles, which I work in.

In my opinion, those who have been the most opinionated and dis-respectful have been from my yoga circles. Yoga douchebags who love to make themselves feel better than everyone, at all times, about everything.

Get over yourselves. Asshats.

To the friends who resonated with me:

I cant say that I’m 100% happy and symptom free. It’s a process, and I really am ok with that. I am taking more than what I started taking. And I think it will have to change again. Maybe more, or completely different medication. That’s cool. The important part of this is that I’m continuing to put myself first to feel better. I am still making my health and happiness a priority. I’ll keep adjusting and re-routing. Whatever it takes.

I’ll keep ya posted.

But, back to my point:

I teach because I have a voice that needs to be heard. I do have something to say. Teaching gives me the chance to hold space for those who resonate with me. Everyday, I have the honor to provide the space for people to just be themselves. THEMSELVES. Not the show version.

And that’s why I stay in this uphill fucking battle of trying to financially survive on Yoga Teacher pay. Because it’s worth it. People need a place to be themselves. To be with people who listen to their voices. To be with people who see them.

So, me and my pill taking ass will keep teaching, and talking, and keeping the dialogue going.

I think my next blog may be a deep dive into ‘A Star Is Born’. OMG, so good, so much to talk about.

Get your ass to a class!

Holly Horter